Leopold Broom Investigates: People Who Love Vampires (Part 3)

by Lee Cross

Here is what I don’t understand – Love affairs with Vampires.

I don’t mean the literary love affair (which I’ve previously tried to cover in parts one and two of this blog), I mean the literal love of Vampires.

Forgive the brutality of my next statement: but the idea of falling in love with a Vampire is as absurd to me as that of falling in love with your rapist. The whole notion just doesn’t make sense, why do so many characters fall in love with them?

Can you imagine the dating Ad…

[Single Count (550 y/o approx.) VGL. SD. Dom. WTLM – beautiful maidens for the express purposes of carnal sexual liaisons, experimentations in mind control and the drinking of blood. Confirmed bachelor and member of the landed gentry, mostly interested in short-term flings, but would be prepared to offer life eternal to the right woman. FA. MBL. WWA. DDF – essential!]

…Who the fuck is answering an Ad like that? Well, apparently, thousands of women (and the occasional man) in the worlds of words.

Look at me showing my age – ‘Dating Adverts’. For the more modern folk… it’s like swiping right (is that right? … is that the way you go when you like someone?) to a picture of a man covered in blood, with the caption below reading “likes to suck too,” while a number warns you of his current distance from your location (ok – so I just checked TINDER – it is right!).



Swipe right to Vampires and this is your Tinder date.

This section is a rewrite. Originally I typed in a long list of vampiric romance novels, their respective authors, and the reason… scratch that… REASONS why they are guilty of multiple sense offenses… but slagging people off isn’t what…(and again)…isn’t ENTIRELY what I want my blog to be about. So I deleted it – but I need everyone to know that I deleted it.


Usually, at this point in my blog, I try to round things off with an insightful thought or two and a bit of positivity, so… perhaps fans of the vampire love affair are attracted to the power of the predator? Perhaps it’s simpler and they think that vampires have big willies or big…(yes, and again)…boobies.

Ultimately I’m pissing in the wind; I literally have no idea why characters fall in love with vampires, just as I have no idea why readers fall in love with books about them.

Wouldn’t the world be a boring place though if we had all the answers?

So if you’re a lover of the Vampire or a lover of the lovers of Vampires – more power to you.

Ditto if you’re on my side of the fence. Just make sure you carry plenty of protection (I’m, thinking of a blindfolds or pepper-spray) because these stupid fucking books are everywhere…


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